| God’s Ten Commandments | The Ten Commandments of Castrocreeepersociety |
| 1) Thou shalt have no other gods before me. | 1) Thou shalt have no gods other than the Castro District’s housing zoning ordinances that exclude everyone who is not a millionaire from living in the Castro. |
| 2) Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God, in vain. | 2) Thou shalt not criticize the housing zoning ordinances of Castrocreepersociety, but shall heap praise upon their blessedness and shall threaten to smite anyone who criticizes these sacred ordinances. |
| 3) Thou shalt sanctify the holy day. | 3) Thou shalt gladly hear and learn about the blessedness of the Castro District zoning ordinances that serve to exclude the unclean non-millionaires from Your neighborhood. |
| 4) Honor thy father and thy mother. | 4) Unless they gift Thee with a palatial Castrocreepersociety Victorian mansion, dump them, for they might rely upon Thee in their old age. |
| 5) Thou shalt not kill. | 5) If it is a drag on Your position in Castrocreepersociety to befriend your neighbor in his bodily needs, by all means don’t do it. |
| 6) Thou shalt not commit adultery. | 6) What loser made up this rule? |
| 7) Thou shalt not steal. | 7) False Dealing is the foundation of anyone who claims to be a member of Castrocreeepersociety. |
| 8) Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. | 8) Trash talk your neighbor at every chance, it elevates your position in Castrocreepersociety. |
| 9) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house. | 9) What loser made up this rule? |
| 10) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his cattle, nor anything that is thy neighbors. | 10) Entice thy neighbor’s servants at every chance Thy gettest. Because Castrocreepers are known in the servant world as the reincarnation of the plantation slavers of the old Deep South, good servants are hard to find in Castrocreepersociety. |
